Lies, lies and lies.

i give you too much credit.
i give us way too much credit.

2 greygoose and 1 patron and I’m out? Pathetic. Pathetic, I tell you. Where the hell did my alcohol tolerance go?

I’m looking for the song "somewhere over the rainbow" from the "wizard of oz" with like, carribean/reggae beat to it. Ummm it’s kinda hard to explain… I dont know the musical terms or what genre to put it in….but it has that laid back and smooth beat/arrangement like the one in Paris Hilton’s "stars are blind" or India arie’s "heart of the matter". I dont remember where I heard this version of this song at….I thought it was on "so you think you can dance" but i went through the show’s website and found nothing. I browsed youtube as well, but that song is such a classic that there are so many  versions from so many people covering it…..

If anyone knows what I’m talking about or have any info….please, please, please contact me!!
Thankssss!!! *muach*

[EDIT]

I found the song!!!!!! I think it’s this one. It’s pretty similar to the tune and beat I have in my head so this should be it. It’s the version by the late Israel Kamakiwo’ ole. Check the song out. It’s very soothing….. absolutely love it!!!!! Oh and btw, it is featured in "50 first dates", "meet joe black" and a TV commercial !!! It was a commercial for E toys and I think thats where I heard it. Anways, here’s a link for it: (Quality isn’t so great but you’ll still get hooked, I’m sure hehehe… it’s just sooooo calming and beautiful!)

Somewehere over the rainbow, that’s where you’ll find me

"Fake it ’til you make it." …. Gotcha.
"Believe it ’til you be it." ….. No sweat, yo.

Aiite. So, it’s faking it til i make it and believing it til i actually am it. Sure thing. No problem.
Now, what exactly is it?

"You’ll figure it out…….. later…..someday………or maybe…. never…..just keep faking and believing…."

Now, that’s messed up, yo.

How many times do I have to try to tell you
That I’m sorry for the things I’ve done
But when I start to try to tell you
That’s when you have to tell me
Hey… this kind of trouble’s only just begun
I tell myself too many times
"Why don’t you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut"
That’s why it hurts so bad to hear the words
That keep on falling from your mouth

Falling from your mouth

Tell me…
Why

I may be mad
I may be blind
I may be viciously unkind
But I can still read what you’re thinking
And I’ve heard is said too many times
That you’d be better off
Besides…
Why can’t you see this boat is sinking
Let’s go down to the water’s edge
And we can cast away those doubts
Some things are better left unsaid
But they still turn me inside out
They still turn me inside out

Tell me…
Why
Tell me…
Why

This is the book I never read

These are the words I never said
This is the path I’ll never tread

These are the dreams I’ll dream instead
This is the joy that’s seldom spread
These are the tears…
The tears we shed
This is the fear
This is the dread
These are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent
And this is what they represent
And this is how I feel
Do you know how I feel ?
’cause i don’t think you know how I feel
I don’t think you know what I feel

You don’t know what I feel

I remember a few years ago I had a boyfriend who had the most messed up eating habits Id ever encountered up to that point of my life.(Actually, his is still the most messed up eating habit I’d ever seen up to this point of my life).  He could go 24 hours without food, just coffee from those 3-in-1 instant coffee packets, and ciggies. And I remembered being horrified hearing that and was just baffled; i thought," how could a human being go without food for so long and to do so by choice?!" . But I also remember experimenting to see if I could do it and I could.Well, not quite coz I had 3 little pieces of peanuts and i think, a piece of candy too. So I dont know if that could count.  A BIG glass of black coffee and 3 measly pieces of peanuts over the course of 24 hours. I dont quite remember if it was excruciating or not, I only remembered counting the hours to see if I had reached my goal. Yes, Ive always been a bit weird.

Fast forward 6 years later and voila, I went 36 hours without food. Solid food, that is. Well, I dont know if I really didn’t eat anything all day yesterday or not, but if I did, I sure as hell can’t remember it. Oh no, I didnt recall drinking soup, chicken broth, milk, soy milk,fruit juices, smoothies, blendered pizza (yes, it is possible), or  anything of the sort…..No, no baby food either. I remembered being really hungry tho and I mustve eaten because the hunger went away.  But what? I only remembered water. LOTS of water. And green tea. And coffee.
This is truly disturbing. I dont know which is more disturbing, though. The fact that I can’t remember eating. Or the fact that I might have really gone without food, or any calorie intake for that matter, for almost 36 hours.
My therapist wouldnt be too happy.

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t
supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You’ll have your heart
broken and you’ll break others’ hearts. You’ll fight with your best
friend or maybe even fall in love with them…….So take too many
pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you’ve never
been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs and no second
chances. You just have to live life to the fullest…..tell someone
what they mean to you, speak out, hold someone’s hand, comfort a
friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt,
and smile until your face hurts. Don’t be afraid to take chances or
fall in love. And most of all, live in the moment because every second
you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get
back….."

I consoled my soul, and it tells me that it knows;
there’s no doubt one day I’m gonna fly
gotta stand up, toss (?) myself up
just for now, it’s the end of the road
when something ends, something begins
but now it’s just the end of the road
when someone loses someone wins
but now it’s just the end of the road
don’t get defeated (?) if it doesn’t break
but now it’s just the end of the road
when you gotta leave makes you wanna stay….
I know it’s the end of the road

I saw the car as I was approaching our building, and for a second, i thought," Oh. Nante’s home" but the next second I caught myself and remembered that you’ve left.  Someone in the complex just happens to drive an almost identical car to yours.
Man, I’m gonna miss you. If it werent for you, I dont know what my life in Austin would turn out like. Thanks, roomie. We all miss you down here. Good luck with your new job and everything else. Drive safe and see you soon!!!!!!

Why is it that you think you have lots of friends but the time when you dont want to be alone, you realize that you dont have any?! Actually, isnt it the case with everything? You see stuff everywhere all the freaking time but when it comes time that you actually need to use something, it is exactly the one thing you can’t find. Life.

Oh and read Augusten Burroughs’ stuff. I think he’s brilliant. Or maybe I just like him coz he is abnormal and insane and insecure and….well, mentally unfit. Just like me