Lies, lies and lies.

i’ve finally figured us out.

you’re not what i want.

you may be what i need.

but you’re simply not what i want.

and having experienced such an epiphany, i’m gonna stop stressing and just let us be.

how dare you.

and so i did the only thing i could. i lied. i lied and told him that everything was gonna be okay, that he was gonna be okay when the truth is that no, you never fully recover from the blow; that you’ll always carry the scar with you and even though the wound would stop bleeding, every now and then, out of nowhere, you’ll still feel pangs of memories. time does not heal the wound, it simply numbs you from the pain and help you get on with life.

oh you’ll get through it, alright, but you’ll never be the same again. you’ll emerge from the whole thing forever altered, scarred for life.

we were blessed to have a come across such love or are we cursed to have experienced such pain? i’d like to think that it is a blessing. as they say, to have loved and lost is better than never having loved at all, right? yet, i am not so sure.

i’m so tired. work had been quite hard on the self today. and all i can think of is the urge to whine to you and when i close my eyes and really will myself, i can almost feel having your arms around me, cuddling me, telling me to hang in there and not to be so upset at the world.

you know those times i told you im upset at you? that i hate you? the truth was, and still is, i’m mad at myself and it is me that i hate. i scold myself for missing you this much, for even missing you at all in the first place.

i’m so scared. scared shitless. this feeling is way too familliar. i’m losing ground but im not sure you’ll catch me when i fall.you’re not the only one who’s scared, you know. i am more scared than you. i am terrified.