Lies, lies and lies.

it’s hardly fair for you to give me the half-silent treatment and left me wondering all night what i had done now. it’s hardly fair when i asked you what’s wrong, you answered nothing was wrong yet you didnt talk to me nor touch me throughout the night. it’s hardly fair that i stayed awake, going through the events and conversation of the day trying to figured out which of those might have triggered this tension of contempt emanating from every pore of your skin. it’s hardly fair when this morning you finally pulled me in for a hug and i asked if you were upset at me last night, you said yes you were. and it most certainly is not fair when i asked you what was it you were upset about, you said you didnt want to talk about it anymore.

so i was sad and listless all night last night for a reason i shall never know. it’s hardly fair now, is it?

-funny. for someone who sounds so gracious, she can be the ultimate bitch. mtv got it right; you think you know? you have no idea. no, i’m not talking about a celebrity.

-mtv, cue for talking about my current tv obsessions. i wanna meet gregory house m.d. for real. i wonder if there is such a character. hugh laurie is doing such a brilliant job in portraying house. i dont  get why all the other characters think he’s miserable. i dont think so. i think he’s funny. not mean-spirited at all.

-i need to be in asia. i WANT to be in asia. this cycle of ANTM is in shanghai and i was peeing in my pants from the excitement of seeing that city in all its metropolitan meet traditional glory being plastered across millions of american television every wednesday night for the next 5 weeks. seriously. there is a reason i majored in chinese and asian studies. i want to go to china again. someday. somehow.

-speaking of ANTM, who’s gonna win now that my pick is off the show. i hope the next one gone is heather. for the love of all things sweet and chocolatey, just coz she’s got a disablity doesnt mean she’s gonna make a good model. yeah yeah yeah, she take beautiful pictures *faking nigel’s british accent* but her attitude is irritating the crap out of me. and yes, i agree she’s getting preferential treatment due to her disability. bianca is right; she wouldnt be able to handle a life of a model. so back to my initial pondering, who’s gonna win? i like jenah’s pictures the best. but on the diaries and commentaries, i like bianca. she has the perfect balance of nice and bitchy in her. me likey. lol.

-still on tv talk,  watchin gossip girl is as good as getting really juicy gossip on people i know. LOL. what can i say, im quite the gossip girl myself. ;P btw, that show has got to have the most stars with unusual names ever. okay, chace? i’ve heard of chase as a last name but a rare first name and for it to be spelled chace? and then leighton. again, a common last name but rare first name. and for it to be a girl’s name? next is blake as a girl’s first name as well. then penn as another first name. quite unusual right, even for a guy? fyi: chace crawford, leighton meester, blake lively, penn badgley.

- everyone go watch samantha who on abc.com now! that show is so funny and fashionable. have always loved jennifer esposito and i love her even more now as the drunken self-absorbed best friend. christina applegate’s cute too.

- windy city trip was amazing. well, okay the actual time in there was the most fun ive had in quite a while but the drive there? oh GOD help me; it was m.i.s.e.r.a.b.l.e. shall not go into the details because i dont want to be offensive or raise questions because i know some people who went on the trip read this. but anways, pictures from the clubbing activity there can be found here. it’s my friends site so please dont harrass him or anything. ;)  clubbing was effing fun! the club is huge and the decor, atmosphere (minus the smoke from the ciggies) was cool. the crowd was very attractive and good-looking. and the music, oh the music! tres awesome! clubbing in a big city is expensive though. much thanks and love to mr. chick magnet for buying me drinks.

- i love Love LOVE my little cousins. especially the youngest ones who would break into a rap or break dancing out of the blue. can you imagine, 7 year old chinese/asian girl going all gangsta on y’all? LMAO. the CUTEST and FUNNIEST thing ever.

- OMG this apartment is soooo hot and mr. forever young isnt gonna be home til another 2 hours. i think im gonna stop now and try to tidy up a bit. and pack. need to put those 3oz or less liquid bottles into the quart size ziplock.

- i’ll be back to blog about how my stubborness in keeping my cellphone relates to my love life. stay tuned!! ;P (how’s that for a cliffhanger, huh? eh speaking of cliffhanger, how about that grey’s anatomy cliffhanger with blood bursting from seth green’s neck? i’m a fan of seth green so it was good seeing him in one of my favorite shows!)

- okay, okay. i’m logging off now!

ah. so thats why she asked. i wonder if she asked her to ask. that wouldve made more sense. she really isnt the type to connect the dots like that. but her…. well, im flattered that they all actually reads my blog. hmmm. i wonder if it’s the other way around and she told her instead? in any case, she needs to get over herself. we all need to get over ourselves.

was reading through old blog entries of mine in various blogs/online journals that i keep and i was reminded of how much i enjoy writing them. and more importantly, how much i enjoy re-reading them. they bring back so many memories and evoke so much emotions in me. i can’t believe how long ive neglected venting and channeling my thoughts and feelings into words. no wonder i feel restless all the time nowadays.

therefore, having said that, i will try to blog more often like i used to. i have a few entries that i have composed over and over for months in my head but just too lazy to actually type. but it’s time to pour those out into the screen and to the eyes of my loyal readers, however few they are. ;P  i love y’all!! dont stop reading yaaaa … =)

was watching the rachael ray show just now and she had this segment on how to protect ourselves or to safe-proof the most dangerous room in the house. guess what room it is? it’s the kitchen! hahahahaha. up to a million people show up in the ER with kitchen related injury! whoa.

well, i guess ive found my defending argument for almost never cooking anything! tee hee hee! ;P

AAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!! How could i be THIS late?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!??!! how could i not know that Jay is coming to LA on Christmas Eve until yesterday!???!?! I’m kicking myself in the head as we speak!!! tickets been on sale since mid-august and so being one and a half month late and all, that means there is NO WAY i am getting first row again. I am FURIOUS at myself!!!!!

well at least now i got myself tickets already. maybe not many people are as crazy as i am and willing to shell that amount of money to see jay so maybe my seat will still be in the first three rows. i am keeping my fingers crossed. real hard. PLEASE.

all rage aside, i am SO FRIGGIN excited!!!!!! deliriously ecstatic!!! anyone going too!?

Jay Chou World Tour Live Concert in L.A.

Date: 12/24/07 (Monday)
Time: 7:30-10 PM

Venue: USC’s Galen Center
3400 S. Figueroa St.
Los Angeles, CA 90089

Floor Plan

Galen Center-Interior

Tickets: More Entertainment
388 E. Valley Blvd., #223
Alhambra, CA 91801
(626)457-8788/ (626)457-9088

http://www.more99.com

Ticket Prices: $58, $98, $138
VIP : $178, $228, $288

COME COME COME!!!  see you there!!!! =)

typed a whole entry on resident evil and how i think theyre trying to do an ad campaign for l’oreal make up from that movie, but since i recently changed my friendster language to chinese (yes, i acknowledge that i’m a pretentious snob, but im sort of allowed to be since i majored in chinese; which makes me just a disgraceful embarassment instead) i didnt click save but instead clicked preview. i actually thought i clicked save, hence the disgraceful embarassment comment.

anyways, so yeah, did anyone else noticed how perfectly foundation-covered, bronzed and illuminated jovovich face in some scenes of resident evil:extinction? they did close-ups on her during those scenes too! all the while i was thinking, this could so be a shot from a l’oreal ad. after all, jovovich is one of the many beautiful faces (longoria, aishwarya and johansson to name a few others) of l’oreal cosmetics. am i just too capitalized/commercialize/consumerism-ized that i noticed it? but i mean, come on. her skin was flawless! yes, those were scenes where she wasnt under the sun or very bright lights, but still. larter’s face wasnt that perfect!

it’s not that big a deal. i’m just amused and utterly envious, of course. which girl doesnt want flawless airbrushed-looking skin? i’d kill for that.

as for the movie itself, it is better than expected. very entertaining and i love seeing mila jovovich kicking some serious ass! SO bad ass!! LOL. can’t wait for the next installment.

oh yeah, her flawless caramel-y skin was so distracting that even mr forever young commented on it. but then again, he’s always lusted over girl with dark/tanned complexion so i wasnt at all surprised that he’d noticed too.

i hope it’s not true. i hope you’ll get to see 2008 olympics taking place in your mother land. i hope i’d still get to see your handsome, in that old movie star kinda way, face when i go home. i hope we’d get to converse in chinese so i’d get to show you what i learned all this time i was away from home. and even though i havent seen nor spoken to you in 6 years and we never were that close, i hope you know that i love you and that you’re the most awesome grandpa anyone could ever ask for. i hope you know WE ALL love you.

i hope. and i pray.

gramedia. kompas. cigarettes. black coffee. bandung. niko department store. white jeep. and later on, the green jeep.

i dont think about my grandpa much. in fact, i dont think about any member of my family much, at all. but now that i AM thinking about my grandpa, all these memories are flooding my mind and i cant seem to stop crying because of them. the simplest things. the things i havent thought of nor remembered for more than a decade.

oh big brother, remember how he used to take us to that bookstore, gramedia? i cant remember why he went there so much. which section did he browse while we loiter and sat cross-legged reading juvenile novels or japanese comics? oh and his black coffee? djisamsoe ciggies? remember those? and remember how he used to take us to school in his green jeep for a period of time during junior high? youngest aunt tagged along to work too. i was always so slow and made us all late. well, actually, i made you late since, either i got dropped off first or you had to walk through those small alleys….i can’t quite remember now.

all these memories. they feel a lifetime ago.

i cant seem to say everything i want to say. i kept getting teary eyed and started crying everytime i think of him.

i hope im overreacting.

mum says it’s not THAT bad. it’s just that cancer treatment is too harsh for old people and so there isnt anything to be done except to keep him happy and live as healthily as possible. and to pray. GOD knows best.

Grandpa, i never told you this. but whenever i see harrison ford, i think of you. =) you’re more handsome than he is, of course

love you.

remember when you used to think i was drunk because i was sooooo freaking hyper? we would be clubbing and i would be hopping and just all around very bouncy and loud and couldnt seem to stop talking. you would look at me, the smile visible in your eyes and the corner of your mouth twitching as you said, " you’re drunk, arent you?" . i would refute and try vehemently to convince you that i, in fact, did not, and i still dont, need alcohol to trigger and fuel my hyper-ness. (or is it hyper-ity? LOL). i hadnt even had one drink for the night. you always would be skeptical and would eye me suspiciously. but in the end you’d always envelope me in your arms and all of us would have a good time in the end, alcohol infused or not. LOL. those were the days ya. i miss those days. and i miss you.

almost a year later, yesterday you remarked," yeah. well, you’re always hyper". i simply laughed, reminiscing on how you never quite believed me when i insisted that i was just hyper by nature.i guess mission’s accomplished then.

we’ve come quite a long way, haven’t we?

and i still miss you.

dammit. why is it so hard to block you out. ive thought about it all day and finally made the decision to start cutting back on you. but then the phone rings, i see it’s you and i pick up, smiling when i hear your voice on the other end. it is only when the conversation ends and i have hung up the phone that i remember my so-called resolution of the day. and i mentally reprimand myself for still instinctively gravitating towards you. wtf.

why cant you just want me? so you could be the man i want?